Families- Communication & Diverse Structures
Departing from the myth
that there is only one “normal” type of family, the textbook discuses flexible
and diverse family structures in today’s world, and jumps away from using the
term “the family” which suggests the
that there is only one, by instead saying “families”. By saying the latter, it
opens up communication about the wide variety of family structures that are
actually in existence within and across cultures. The ideology of the nuclear
family brings forth assumptions about what it’s like to be apart of one “perfect”
and normal family.
Communication in a family
is powerful in determining relationships and identities among family members. Communication
within a family structure is a heavy influence on what is appropriate behavior
within the family identity. Children from even at a young age play an active
role in constructing gendered/sexed identities in the family (Ehrensaft, 2011;
Kane, 2012; Malpas & Lev, 2011) In constructing these identities, children
search for verbal and nonverbal cues to figure out what is being deemed
acceptable and appropriate gender/sex behavior within the family structure.
These cues often help a child to determine who they feel most close and
comfortable to, or most accepted by. Cues could include who the child goes to
for comfort when hurt, or who they go to for playing games and doing activities
with. In playtime with a child, parents tend to give children gender-specific
toys to promote what is “appropriate” for the gender role of the child, and
children tend to choose those gender-specific toys once understanding the
suggested gender sex & identity. In this way, at a young age selecting toys
and objects that match a certain gender role or identity at a young age, children
gender/sex themselves. (Eliot, 2009) The book suggests that siblings and birth
order also seem to influence gender identities within a family, where younger
siblings will model older siblings’ gender behavior, for example a girl who has
2 older brothers that are into sports and play hockey, the girl might find
herself to show masculine identities and into sports more than a girl without
siblings or a girl who instead has 2 sisters, or younger brothers.
The role of the parents in
a family structure are becoming more diverse and in transition. Heterosexual
marriage between a male and female father have been the norm in American
society and the domestic labor roles of the two became constructed. Domestic
labor issues often come into the discussion of gender/sex in family
communication because domestic labor not only produces household goods and
services but also generates gender roles (Coltrane, 1989; Hochschild, 2003).
Historically the role of the man in the family was to be provide financial
support for the wife and children, being the “bread-winner” gave the male the
role of bringing home the means for the women to fill the home with food and
supplies, clean and attend to house-hold chores, and also care for the children
of the family. Housework typically was distributing unevenly in most American
households, but as the 1950’s emerged and women became more affluently involved
the workforce, household roles were put in question. As roles were unevenly
balanced in the home, this was one of the clearest indicators that of the
continuing influence of the nuclear family norm. However, gender/sex
distribution of household work is closer to being balanced than ever before, in
a coupled parental household that is. An
Contrary to common
assumption, many parents living in the United States are single; they are
single because they are divorced, widowed, or never married to begin with. The
ideology of the nuclear family challenges the lifestyle of single parents,
declaring them to be inadequate due to the expectation for adults to be
together as a couple. When a single parent has a children, people opposed to
this situation assume that the child will miss out on important social learning
that coupled parents could provide. An example would be the thought that a girl
might come out as a “tom-boy” due to being raised by a single father. This
situation suggests that a father is more emotionally distant and not capable of
raising a daughter to develop an interest in things other than those of the
father.
Despite the norm being for
adults to be coupled, it is interesting yet how a pair of adults can be labeled
just as inadequate or if not more inadequate if they are a same-sex couple, or
claim a gender other that those that align with what is considered
hetero-normative. Recently non-heterosexual couples have been gaining
increasing social acceptance due to legalization of same sex marriages.
Research has examined whether having gay or lesbian parents have actual
systematic differences in parenting than heterosexual couples. On page 160 of
our textbook it states: “No significant differences have been found in
psychological well-being, self-esteem, behavioral problems, intelligence,
cognitive abilities, or peer relations. There is no evidence that the children
of gay or lesbian parents are confused or uncertain about their gender
identity” (Pg.242 Walsh 2012)
Further existing research shows that the majority of children from lesbian and
gay parents grow up to identify as heterosexual, just like most children from
heterosexual parents. (Patterson, 2000)
Included
in the transition of families in the United States is the growth of accepted
transgendered persons and raising transgendered children. A transgendered
person is someone whose gender identity or gender expression doesn’t necessarily
match their assigned sex. Transgender is independent of sexual orientation.
Transgender people may identify as heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual,
pansexual, polysexual, asexual, and some may consider conventional sexual
orientation labels inadequate or inapplicable to them. The
term “transgender” is often used as an umbrella term to incorporate the
previously referenced identities as well as a variety of other gender-variant
persons. Hines (2006) defines transgender as referring to “individuals who have
undergone hormone treatment or surgery to reconstruct their bodies, or to those
who transgress gender categories in ways which are less permanent” (p. 353).
Not all persons who identify as transgender may take steps to transition to
another sex category or even away from one at all, but many do choose to engage
in identity transition of some kind. Transition takes many forms, and a
disruption of this gendered family role system may compromise traditional
notions of “family”. Green (2000) suggests that once a person has disclosed a
“deviant” sexual or gender identity to family members, any continued family
relations after that point are considered voluntary—this implies that
transgender identity could be a deal-breaker for family relationships. This runs
contrary to our cultural conception of family as a system of non-voluntary or
obligatory relationships (Segrin & Flora, 2005).
Based on the reading, here are 3 questions for you all:
1) How can our society as a whole benefit from understanding the
transition from “the family” to
“families”?
2) How
do you think adults can encourage gender flexibility in children?
3) Does
studying communication & gender within the family structure affect the way
that you reflect on your own family/ies experience(s)?
